SEPTEMBER 19TH, 2023
i don't have energy for anything I cleaned my bathroom deeply and it took my energy for an entire week. i will do something new here eventuallymy warren tho
SEPTEMBER 1ST, 2023
GOT home from portland a few days ago and it was very fun I had so many experiences i must write down later but i feel sick PAVVVV I'M SO DRUNK PAAAAAVVV PAAAAAAAAAAAV
I want him sooo bad❤️ SEXY ARMY MEN
AUGUST 10TH, 2023
i think working retail of any kind (i specifically work at a grocery store) is such an interesting thing because i really do think it inspires at least some growth in you. i think it depends person to person and on age and it by far is not universal by any means but i really cannot deny i think it has made me grow up more in some weird way and come more out of my weird shell. we obviously aren't meant to work like this but from just taking what you're given i think .. i don't know.. it just happens.. working retail isn't what i'd describe to be super enjoyable or a pleasant experience but i really honestly cannot say i hate it or that i wouldn't have done it in the first place. i also find the people you can meet really intriguing, it is really fun developing work friendships with people who are double or maybe even third my senior and hearing and learning of their lives and things. i enjoy going out and doing stuff with my co-workers and just talking. i wanted to give myself some time to think about college/see if i would change my mind on it and i don't think i have, nor do i regret not going? maybe it will be a thing for future me if it ever really happens at all, but i kind of don't care outside of a financial aspect. however tying into working at a store i wouldn't mind trying to become a pharmacy tech, it is the only thing i feel remotely interested in outside of being a librarian, which unfortunately i don't think will pay my bills. all this to say though i don't hate it and it has its good days. i might just feel this way because it has been a good week for my department lol (i also enjoy being in a union)my birthday is coming up in a few days and despite everything i have a feeling my 20's will be a lot better for me; it slowly improves which i am grateful for. i'm a bit sorrowful thinking back on my earlier teen and childhood years but i suppose i might just be one of those people whose golden years are later in life, which honestly is probably more average than people think. i don't mind it though
i'm trying to be less bitter with how i view things and others, and i think my issues with anxiety and paranoia have gotten a lot better too, especially online. went through and both unblocked and blocked some people and started talking to older online friends more and it has been nice. my self-esteem is still a little shot but having supportive and rational people around has helped a lot, and my bettering relationship with my mother has helped too. i have a trip upcoming later this month to portland, OR to go see my brother too and potentially some of my friends who live in the area (at least 3, maybe four?) and i am looking forward to that a lot and i think it will be fun- i also would like to try taking a trip back up to MN later this fall if i can afford it, but we will see..i'm still nervous thinking about roadtripping eventually one of these days but i hope i can do that sometime instead of needing to always fly. i also am considering places to move to.. i wouldn't mind MN or oregon, or maybe canada, but i will figure it out eventually.. but stuff is happier
artfight seemed to go by really fast, too; i didn't do as much this year as i did the last, but i don't mind; personalization and thought put into attacks feels better to me than just shitting them out like i did last year. i really do need to set up an artwork page, i say this everytime, and idk when i will, but i want to still - i'm kind of overwhelmed by a lot of my own personal projects right now, there's an awful lot to do, but i think the post-artfight feeling is nice, of just being able to do whatever. i still really do love warren and disa and co, and i am also bringing back seppy and belial and ockham as well as a few others.. still a little whatever on the direction my artwork is going but it is getting there. i've realized there is a noticeable improvement in my human artwork; it isn't where i want it to be, but it's nice to see i'm not stagnant. i'll figure everything out eventually. didn't sleep much at all last night and got into a little bit of a crash earlier so honestly i'm just a little tired and i don't know how much else i'll do tonight, but it is nice to have the next few days off, including my birthday. looking forward to spending time with friends and family- myrra already got me a lovely comic gift which i'm really happy about. i have a feeling the next year will be better for me too and i am glad i have the people around me that i do The happy smiler seems to smile a lot at night. I really love the rain too and it has been raining a lot recently
JULY 9TH, 2023
ican't get it off my mind. i understand shauna more than anything. i need to detransition. i should put a kin list with 100 times 100 icons somewhere on my site like i did when i was 13. finished it off recommendation of my friends/aunt but yellowjackets was so good.. normally i stop thinking about shows a little after i finish them but i am so excited for season3.. i'm grinningalso i think i have 6 more attacks left on artfight before i get a full page of them..?maybe not i can't remember. 5? i'm excited.. i will not do 60 this year i'm sure but at least i'm putting more feeling into them all. maybe it will be how i break out an art page on here at some point.. we will see..ILOVE ARTWORK AND TELEVISION PROGRAMS
JULY 6TH, 2023
Artfight doing some cocomelon shit to me .. also i got a car (2001) which has a casette player rather than a cd player which is interesting and made me smile. car payments suck though. happy pridealso i started and finished yellowjackets.. I would do anything for misty. i just ripped my hair out
JUNE 4TH, 2023
JUNE 1ST, 2023
i feel more comfortable with sharing something like this in a publicish diary sense since i guess i've been made cringe immune but as of late (the last couple months) a weird thing has happened with my 'sona' characters where they sort of .. take on individual parts, they're like segments or pieces of a whole (my mind) and i keep ending up making more. it's like a weird bunch of things that are me but also aren't but represent parts of me, but they are individual characters.. I doubt it makes much sense but i just refer to them as 'facets' and i guess it's a way to cope with stange identity things and problems, especially ones that have risen over the last year. it's been an honestly exceedingly hard year with just moving on to a new stage of my life, realization of things and people that hurt me and made my post traumatic stress disorder worse and my own faults, the loss of my grandfather, and a bunch of other things .. so i think it makes sense that something weird like that would happen to me. i can't really view my oldish sona cheese as my self anymore, and since i made a new one i think it's just.. stranger.. i think he came from a darker place than anything else, and i think that comes out with how i characterize him and his design. it's just weird i think i'll look bad on him in a weird way. but i don't know.. stuff is more okay than it has been.i was going to write more but i keep getting distracted watching videos with my friends so i don't think i will. i am so tired i always seem to write these entries after work in the early morning. I may delete this all later because it is a bit personal for this kind of place but we'll see.Happy pride month!!
MAY 23RD, 2023
i've been trying to find the motivation for the last 3~ish weeks to try adding an art page because i am finally finding myself less scared of making that stuff public but i am struggling so badly because i am so deep within toontown obsession again and my friends are enabling me. i've been trying to get my friend/co worker to play it too.. i got my toon cheese in TTR up to 106 laff and my corporate clash toon frasach to 65 (at the moment) so that is nice..maybe some of the art i'll post first will be my TTCC fanart. we created a club on TTCC (new feature) and if anyone sees this who plays it is called 'bopad warriors'.. if you see me or whatever feel free to say hello! i am also trying to prep for art fight which i am so excited for .. i have a feeling i may not be as productive this year but i will try to be.i'll share this early before it goes on my art page; flint bonpyre from toontown corporate clash (not the best, did kind of quick but i was inspired) you can click for full size:
i don't know. there is a lot going on in my life but i'm working on it all. still saving up for an automatic and trying to figure out my future plans. thankful for things right now and the people in my life.. i feel like i finally have decent and healthier friendships/a general lifestyle these days. it's been kind of a rough past year but i am glad things are looking more up all the time. still kind of weird strange and bitter feelings about the last 2-3ish years but it's fine.. life moves on. trying to figure out if moving to oregon/washington or MN would be feasible.. who knows. maybe next year. i am just glad i feel better for longer about things every day. i also joined this server my friend on twitter had for old deviantart/sparkledog related stuff and i have met some very nice people and gotten some wonderful old characters gifted to me .. every day is a miracle
today was also especially kind of fun because another co-worker of mine (one i don't talk to that much) was riding past me on his bike while i was walking to work and offered me a ride on this .. cart attachment thing on the back. and it was much faster and very fun. that was very kind of him and kind of made my day. i need to give him cash for it as thanks .. and i also need to buy groceries tomorrow. also i need to make a linktree to organize all my social media accounts.. and maybe i should make a dreamwidth journal.. and i should also try posting on spacehey again. There's so much to do and so much time but also never enough. i need to record me and clover and whoever else joins the next TTCC high roller fight playing it and add funny music and post it on youtube. I should make more youtube videos too. i need to look into summer plane tickets. There is so much to do.. might be tomorrow might be in ten years might be in ten million. Always keep your heart strong and ready Valentine the future comes in like a bowling ball. current song i am listening to: bite down
quick late edit; thank you to Leroy Frederick for the kind words on my message page. if you are reading this, i am doing better water wise and in general and i hope you are too! thank you much for enjoying my site. take care, friend
MAY 1ST, 2023
i finally got an idea for how my art page should look! i will be getting to that soon. i figured out some neat new coding things as well i've mostly been messing with on my toyhou.se that i will probably try messing with here as well. i am getting less shy with sharing my works, so that will be fun.. i have a few art projects i've been meaning to get to as well. so much to draw but very little timei would like to do something inspired by this since i have been feeling it/relate. music is one of my main drives with my artwork..!:)
MARCH 20TH, 2023
i keep going through periods where i completely forget about/to update my website. i haven't really had any motivation to do much else lately but i would really eventually like to make some sort of interesting page where i talk about something i like. i don't know but i'll figure it out. i've been watching a lot of doctor who lately and i am obsessed with the doctor and rose, which isn't really surprising taking into account my 'shipping'/fictional relationship likes, but i think it is special. nobody is doing it like them. i would like to make some sort of music video with them (mostly taking into account journey's end/various other clips with additions of martha and donna) but i don't even know how i'd go about that considering half of the available clips are 240 p or whatever. i'll figure it out. i'd really like to. i want to make more videos soon.life has been crazy, might lose my house, water is still contaminated and my sisters place caught on fire, so just trying to get through all that lol. on top of being very paranoid.. but when am i not really. it should all be okay. i want to make a page with updated musics soon. also i've been thinking about disa and his husband and warren and things a lot lately. but i always am
here is some of my art lately: one, two, three & four
MARCH 4TH, 2023
HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE BATMAN (2022)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FEBRUARY 2ND, 2023
found a site i enjoy a bit better for blogging but i still want to update here. i really wish you could make your neocities unlisted. FML i drew this though
JANUARY 12TH, 2023
JANUARY 9TH, 2023
OMG happy new year I forgot to post anything for it.. i would have but i didn't have my computer because i was out of state for a week. but that's okay and i think it's very fine. i kind of regret not getting more videos and pictures of my warren keychain spinning around and travelling around (especially in the mall of america...) but it's ok because i got 1 or 2 at the least!!! and there will be a plushie of him made. so it's fine i think. i need to do his ref for artfight soon as well but i'm sooo glad there is time. I LOVE ARTFIGHTi managed to finish an important human oc ref which is so beautiful because i never thought i could do it. BUT I DID!! (i won't share here because i'm shy) then i did this in an hour or so 2 nights before my trip. which i thought was fun. i really would like to make more videos.. and learn to cook more and things. i also really need to change the music page soon everything is slipping past my grasp. congrats to the batman (2022) for being letterboxd's most rewatched film of 2022 we did it guys
DECEMBER 30TH, 2022
life crazy busy and plane ride in like 2 days but i'm ok and i finally made a video after months. it's okay. love the world forever. always keep your heart strong and ready the future comes in like a bowling ballDECEMBER 16TH, 2022
life has been so busy latelyi forgot about my website oops.. i've rewatched almost the entirety of mlp with my friend and i also have my trip in like 2 weeks as well. i'm so nervous to go on a plane again. there's something inherently so scary about inclining upwards .. or however you say it. i hate roller coasters as well for this reason because there is something deeply wrong with my mind. anyway i'm making pony ocs again and life is good. as flutteryshy would say... 'yay'.NOVEMBER 28TH (2), 2022
I reaaaly want to make an oc page but i am so deathly afraid of sharing any images of any of my characters in a public setting because there's something wrong with my mind. anyway i was thinking of my character marlie and how i'd love to make a animatic of some sorts with 'it should've been me' (lyrics) because it fits her very very much. I don't think her and oz would ever break up friendship wise fully (but if it happened it wouldn't be out of character for her because she's the type to push people away lol) but it would be fun to explore. there's a lot of video projects i want to do in all honesty (god given and heresy with benny and disa which both would be feasible considering my video editing program and skills, i just need to not be lazy ... some others that i'm blanking at the moment. most are just of my main human ocs lol) and maybe i'll get to them sometime .. I was considering starting a personal video thing for myself as practice so we'll see. Nobody knows who marlie and oz are and only a few people know disa and others so this probably won't mean much to most people i know but you'll all see. i will create something beautiful and make a page for it. probably. i have so many ideas i'll do them all someday..NOVEMBER 28TH, 2022
Forgot about this website for a little bit umm i don't have any shit to say minus i've been working with a friend to help draft extremely simplistic warren and disa plushies that are similar to theirs which is so very exciting to me. Other than that nothing much up really. Still need to format an art/oc page but i can't really be assed at the moment i fear. every day we inch closer to January where i'll finally be able to eat a beautiful burger at a minnesota culvers ohh ohhhhAt work today i was considering making an alternate site/page (at least) to host my like .. i don't know. think pieces? Schizophrenic rambly think pieces? i don't think they'd make much sense or anything, nothing strictly 'coherent' or new or really all that interesting but my like.. thoughts i guess. I don't know to be honest. it feels a little too embarrassing and intimate to do so, at least here, and i'd like to employ this custom font I downloaded if i can figure it out. i might just end up making an extremely simplisitic alternate site LOL. we'll see I haven't had much time to do anything lately to be honest and it is cold and late i falling asleepwheeeeee
NOVEMBER 20TH, 2022
finally met up with some people to play DND and it was a blast. we haven't actually started the campaign yet but i'm excited to do more with my character and plan for that. one also brought over cheesecake (which i previously thought was kind of nasty) but i tried it and it was actually quite delicious so i took some of it home lol. i'm excited to see where that goes and everyone seems very cool. i watched them play pokemon in the car when we were at a drive through which was fun! i need to buy a switch still 😼 i'll maybe share some pictures of my character when i properly draw them.. i still need to make a proper oc directory/pages and whatnot which i will do later probs.i also finished the entirety of CSM (as it is right now) which is honestly kind of boundary breaking for me because i never finish anything ever especially when it comes to reading. i'm actually sort of proud of myself and it opens a lot more for me i guess since i know i can do things like that.. adhd be damned this boy can read. i also will update the music page soon i have a new album i wish to discuss but i will AFTER WORK!!! love to all the people in my computer have a good week
NOVEMBER 11TH, 2022
i did it quotes are finally real .. excited to share all i have at some point, although most are lyrics and things.. and i have to figure out how i want it to look but whatever i'll do that at some point.if anyone plays goatlings feel free to send me a friend request or something. I love winter and snow.. goodnight world.
NOVEMBER 5TH, 2022
i would really like to make a quotes page or something I have a lot of ideas i just need to find the time and motivation for it.. there's just too much shit going on nowadays. there's this one from a novel i watched a movie adaptation of last night that i very much enjoy and which made me sort of emotional:'He fell in October 1918, on a day that was so quiet and still on the whole front, that the army report confined itself to the single sentence: All quiet on the Western Front. He had fallen forward and lay on the earth as though sleeping. Turning him over one saw that he could not have suffered long; his face had an expression of calm, as though almost glad the end had come.'
i have an entire document of quotes and lyrics that would be nice to share here at some point but some of this is embarrassing enough already so idk.. one day maybe.
other than that life's been sort of eventful, talked to some funny old people and took a stray dog to the vet and went out to dinner with my sister and finally bought plane tickets (october 26th me lied) so it's nice. i like movies and music and i think i have a lot more to discover and look at
OCTOBER 26TH, 2022
Journaling something just to journal something i guess. i've been reading chainsaw man (on chapter 40 at the moment) since pretty much everyone in a group i'm in started and i got interested so that's been fun. and i have to buy plane tickets tomorrow and go to work soon. I really like pochita i wish he was my dognot really sure what else to say it's been pretty uneventful as of late. look at these photos if you want
OCTOBER 14TH, 2022
it's been a little bit. life has been busy busy..interesting last little while. had a good break from work and had much fun with friends :-) i absolutely love having more money now and the ability to meet others, i love being able to buy merch and artwork and even simple necessities like soap.. the simplicity of life is wonderful sometimes. i've met some interesting people who i plan to meet up with (hopefully) next week and we'll probably start a DND campaign, which i'm looking forward to since i've never played and conveniently have a character ready for, lol. thank god for carpooling. so that's wonderful i think.. i'm enjoying work and my health is nice. can't complain about much at the moment. i hope to eventually plan a trip to minnesota and texas next year to visit some people as well since that seems more realistic now than ever..
to add onto this i also joined a union because of my work and they offer things like health insurance, reduced car insurance/help finding a car, free secondary education (which despite my rants i'm considering taking advantage of as there are some things i do see myself interested in) which is fucking insane to me 😭 it all feels a little too good to be true at times, maybe it is maybe it isn't, haven't been around the block as much, but at least some benefits are better than none. i do feel like stuff is looking up for me :-)
i love superheroes so much and i'm so glad i was able to read the new super sons issue at the same time as others :-) it's a minor thing but i love knowing there's other people excited for things the same as me. it's usually difficult for me to latch onto interests and media so i'm glad i've been able to since march - it's kind of wonderful especially since i have friends who are interested as well and others that, even if they aren't, still enjoy me talking about it. going through and watching every marvel movie as well with them which has been so fun! i'm considering making a movie page but idk lol cus i have letterboxd.. but maybe. we'll see... i've also been doing more oc things which is nice! i've coded most profiles on toyhou.se, so now all i have to do is write them...
i have to say that journaling is productive and kind of beneficial for your health. i didn't do this for the longest time and decided to keep it somewhere where someone could always see (twitter) and ever since i decided to delete that and some other online profiles it's been better.. i talk to my friends when needed as they're always very supportive but i've realized now just writing shit down in private and re-reading it helps and is kind of grounding. this is basic therapy things but it's nice to actually go through with it and try on my own, lol. and it's nice having less accounts especially on twitter. i recommend this to anyone/everybody reading - please try it sometime if you haven't even if it's a document on your pc instead of paper, it's good to not have that stuff public sometimes even if it's your friends or if it's the entirety of neocities. keep yourself happy & safe online. have a lovely one everybody
OCTOBER 3RD, 2022
First day in a little bit not being tormented by demons and chased around by devils with pitchforks so that's nice. slowly improving and getting over things and getting to know new and older friends better which is beautiful.. also genuinely considering starting secondary savings so i can move within a year or two because i really feel like it's that time for me. had a friend i haven't spoken to check up on me through ANOTHER friend asking me if i had moved out yet and that robin (batman) fits me 🥲🥲🥲i am also very excited because the supersons movie comes out the 18th, riddler year one the 25th, and plushies i ordered way back in like, may, ship on the 30th.. i feel like i've already talked about this i can't remember tbh and i don't want to re-read a lot but it's fine. know again i guess.
i don't really know what else to say here besides going on a completely unrelated tangent But i also sort of did this today with smalad but i'll say it here 1. don't let people make you think there's a true 'average'. there may be a majority at times but in my opinion there is no true average. there is no real normal. i've met some people who were really quite insecure about themselves and took it out on others directly/indirectly.. be you believe in yourself etc. 2.i hope in the future you/everyone reading this can find things that work best for them instead of being pushed into things that may overwhelm them. I have a lot of feelings on this nowadays i think since my brain opened in halves and wholes but i wish all the best to every dropout every person with mental or physical disabilities that prevent them from doing more or what they want to every person hoping to/in the middle of getting their GED every person in a job they like or job they dislike every person content with their life as is etc. we need happiness in this world. i wish all my friends who may not be doing super well a lovely one. anyway
SEPTEMBER 26th, 2022
I'm not going to lie i didn't even consider making a credits page for images and things off my site.. i don't even know where i got most of it anymore .. oopsies.. as a note most images on this site are NOT mine (i found many via friends or twitter and things and whatnot) and a lot of assets come from gifcities.org. Love and light.SEPTEMBER 25th, 2022
I've been inconsistent with my newly prescribed quick-release adderall because i'm very goofy but i won't always be. i am really glad i have people to watch movies and tv shows with because i would have never been able to get through half of what i have these past few months without them because of my very poor attention span.. i think this year was a record for stuff watched overall, i've gotten through a few shows (harley quinn, my name is earl.. almost.. etc.) and today i finally finished both breaking bad and el camino and i've been left with indescribable emotion. all my friends say BCS is pretty good and i know i've already talked about it here but i'm very excited to watch it all.. saul is very speciali want to get to reading comics with damian wayne since i've found a good reading guide, but again i honestly have no idea when i'll get the motivation to do so. you can't read comics well with people i guess.. i find it easier to own physical copies. however these past few days i've done some fleshing out of characters and coding on toyhou.se which has been quite nice, i'm actually quite proud of a few and am proud of my own storytelling and characters. i doubted my writing and overall ability to write characters intelligently and competently but i feel better about it now after some encouragement. i really do enjoy doing collaborative oc things with people, especially relationship ones, and although they aren't super common i enjoy when they do happen.. i got tentatively invited (they're still forming a group) to a DND thing with a person i recently met who lives semi-nearby, which i'd love to go to considering i've never played and already have a character kind of in the works? but i hope this works out. i also have been talking with my co-worker about transformers and i'm hoping she'll give me a list of things to watch :-) i'm also considering making a friends page on here but i don't know if i'd link everyone because i don't want to bother fixing broken links over time but i would like to list my various friendgroups for those who are comfortable being on it. But that's for another time. look at this warren picture my wonderful friend anne drew for me
SEPTEMBER 21st, 2022
Work has got me oh so busy, but it's nice to have a lot in the bank! i bought myself the spamton talking plush, considering buying some batman merch as well, or commissions.. i also got a lovely image of my oc disa that made my day. i've been working on oc stuff just a little too, here's one of my folders on toyhou.se.. it is very bare but i like it simple. also the characters in there aren't primarily animals but that art is cute lol. i'd love to get more!
in other news, i'm excited to hang out with my friends on halloween :-) i also recently got invited to a group of people whom i've mostly known for awhile which really made my day, i love all my friends and it's nice to have more support. i love talking about all sorts of things it really is delightful. i'm also almost done with breaking bad and am on my way to watching BCS with my two friends. life is dope
p.s. .. myrra FOREVER!!!!!! 😼
SEPTEMBER 8, 2022
THE QUEEN IS DEAD 🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪 THIS IS FOR IRELAND BABY!!!!!! 🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪SEPTEMBER 6, 2022
Been working on oc stuff lately and stories :-) i like how it's going. brought back my oc disa to a roleplay i was doing with a few friends a few days ago and i'm quite happy about it.. i'd like to share more about things here at some point, but i get weirdly scared of all that being public, especially sharing images of my personal things.. so who knows. maybe at some point i will if i can get the courage.i have to work soon, about an hr or two away from when i post this, and i'm pretty glad i don't feel the same sort of dread i had before going to my last job. it's nice despite the pacing at times. i usually go for a sandwich after my shift, and this guy i knew during HS (whom i was never really friends with, but we talked occasionally) works there. he discounted my food one day then payed for it with solely his money the next and i keep trying to figure out why. i love meatball subs though i hope to get another today.. 😼 unrelated but i turn 20 next year and i keep thinking about it. time really does move fast..
also thank you everyone for the nice comments on my neocities page and on my message page! you're all really nice, and i look forward to seeing more cool sites!!
SEPTEMBER 5, 2022
Considering making a recently watched movie + review page .. but who knows. letterboxd works too. I really liked watership down.AUGUST 24, 2022
i've had my job for about a week at this point, and i really like it .. repetitive, but that works well for me. first paycheck soon and my first concert tonight as well. but i've been thinking about it and i feel like i much prefer this to any sort of college despite the pressure and shame that comes with not going while most others i know are - i have no clear idea of what i'd want to do, where i'd want to go or how i'd pay for it, since i've never been one to have a lot of money lying around (nor have i ever gotten any scholarships, lol) .. i don't want to be put in life-long debt. i have a lot of opinions on the matter .. i feel people tend to forget that there are good, self-teachable jobs that you can make good money from that don't require any sort of degree.. graphic design or something related to computers (large generalization here, there's so many types of things to do) or simply a regular job you enjoy is fine and can work. roommates too - something i hope (and will probably) look into at some point. getting a good job is not easy by any means, but acting like it's college or nothing is a really laughable opinion. the societal pressure that comes with college is really sort of inisdious (and a tad predatory) and i pray one day that will change, but for now i hope those who want to go genuinely enjoy it. i think i'll be more content later on when i'm able to move out :-) or who knows.. i may end up going one day in the future if i decide that it's right for me! just not for now or any time soon.anyway going to write this before i forget, but i'm having a really good time re-doing my neocities; i never had much motivation to do it but now that i have more free-time and friends who can help (my close friend myrra was my main inspiration to start again) as well as a more clear sense of what i want to do/how i want it to look it's been really fun :-) i've been on neocities for a really long time and i used to have this fear that my site would be ugly or 'uninspired' just because i went with a more old-looking '90's' layout (would mine really even fit into this?) which is apparently cringy to some people for some reason.. but realizing now i can do whatever i want is nice lol. i don't know who i was scared would judge me or why it mattered. i also for the longest time struggled with how i should present myself (as i do with most public medias i'm on nowadays) - should i talk more 'normal'? should the content of my website try to make sense? should i talk like i'm a narrator of a TV show, or a book? and everytime i tried nothing i did felt quite right, adding to the increasing demotivation to keep going that i had - but now i feel like simply putting whats in my brain works. it's difficult to explain but i like it more now. my only complaint is that i wish you could unlist your site from public listings i don't like the eyes on me .. hopefully one day that'll be an option but who knows. 72,250 site views yaay awesome
AUGUST 23, 2022
i don't really like writing things in neocities journals or online really outside of spaces with people i know since i never know how to present myself, but i'll try with all my might. i'm the prettiest princess in the whole wide world